Don’t come to close……

The title of this blog is something i struggle with daily, its a saying that creeps into my thoughts more than once a day. How sad to admit that i dont want people to get close.
I was sat with my husband the other night having a chat about our goals and what we feel God is saying to us and we got on to the topic of friendships, a topic i hate with a passion. But we started talking about the fact we only really have a couple of friends in our world, and then came the crunch of the conversation and i explained why i struggle with friendships, and here it was —
“friendships always raise insecurity in me and make me feel inadiquate”.
What am i saying here? As soon as these words left my mouth i began to feel emotional. I felt sad that my longing for picnic in the parks with a large group of friends was shadowed by the fact that i need to deal with my insecurities. For me i always look and think, wow these guys are so with it and so fit and healthy, they wear trendy clothes but i always feel like i have nothing to offer. Oh how the enemy lies!
While we were in mid conversation, i realised that my lack of confidence causes my marraige at times to feel the strain. And then as a result of this me and my husband have different goals not only with friendships, but life in general.

I realised by holding onto this insecurity that i am stopping what God wants for my life, that i am only opening up the door half way, because, being honest, insecurity holds me back in all areas. But i find myself feeling like God will use everyone else, as in my mind everyone is far more gifted than me and everyone carries a greater calling than me?
When i woke this morning i felt God speak a scripture to me, Matthew 6v25-34 and if you struggle in this area I encourage you to read these verses! In this scripture it clearly says,
“I tell you, do not be anxious about your life”
And it also goes on to say about,
“is not life more than food and the body more than clothes?”
This was the eye opener for me as a lot of my insecurity comes from my weight and in actual fact God looks at the heart.
Over the past week i have been praying into the whole area of insecurity and felt God say “Insecurity is a choice” we all have it in us but its whether we let it consume us, like i have, or we choose to keep going and giving it to God daily!
John 8v32 says,
“And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
God created us in the womb, he knitted us together so why do we choose to carry insecurity? God wants us to live in freedom. He wants us to live in his truth and that is when freedom will come. God has so much more for us and we let the lies of the enemy hold us down.
I pray today that in your insecurity that God will wash you afresh with his love and his truth. I pray that his truth will become a daily choice for you and i to live in. Amen.
God wants you and he calls you for more! Keep pushing the door open even when you feel you want to close it shut.


What do you stand for?

What is happening in the world? Why is there so much hate and anger why are people being hurt due to colour, relationships, religion and many more things?
I was so impacted by the news recently with all the hate in France it made me question what i stand for? 

So here i am letting you in to my thoughts and letting you understand what i want to stand for. I am a massive lover not a hater i love to love its my most favourite thing to do of all i love to shower my girls with love infact i sometimes hug them to hard where i get these words “mummy to tight” then i have to explane its because i love you so much that i want to hold you so tight, i love to love my husband i love to tell him ” I Love You” but i guess not everyone carries the love to love.

As i sat recently and watched the news with all the hate in france, America and Germany i began to question what i stand for i sat an wept at the state of our world the fact we have removed Love and replaced with Hate. Why is this? As i began to reflect over this i began to feel more and more confident on what i want to stand for, I love God with a passion and i belive he will heal so much broken in our world if everyone let him in but more than that i want to stand for Love ,i want to love people back to life i want to love the needy i want to love the grumpy shop keeper basically i want to love! I WANT TO CARRY LOVE! I want to be the person who stands in the gap between hate, i want to be the person that stands up and decalers love. I WANT TO LOVE. Now please understand i am not talking about physical husband and wife love i am talking about passing on the Love God gave us, surley thats our call?

Regardless of colour, sexuality, gender, past, present, religion i choose to stand in the gap and love! I am so pasionate about this it drives me crazy. 
In the bible the word Love appears 551 times in the NIV version (arrording to word count) there are so many amazing scriptures which encourage us to love one of my favourites is 1 Corinthians 13v4-8 another great one is 1 Corinthians 13v13, Ephesians 4v2 and 1 Peter 4v8 this list could go on but in it all God calls us to love! 

Let me encourage you today to step out in Love, hold a door open for someone, smile at someone,  buy the coffee while your out. Let God guide you in this open your hearts and let God lead you.

I pray today that we will all open our hearts to love more to love like God loved us to help create a world of love not hate.




Waiting for the Rain to pass.

I love our British weather where you look out the window and the sun is shining you get ready and get excited to embrace the weather and you step out the door to find a storm of wet and windy coldness?! Our weather is so unpridictable and causes so many people to moan, but it’s what we choose to do with the storm that really counts.
I woke with this thought on my heart, a thought of the fact that we all love the summer weather but when we get a rainy day we all moan about the fact we should be having summer weather but do we ever embrace it? Why don’t we ever find Joy in the storm and a desire to embrace it? Why do we choose to look at the bad?
I havent blogged in a while as i myself have been working through some storms in mine and my husbands world we sat only two months ago planning and dreaming about life and it felt like when we woke all we saw was rain. My life has felt like a constant storm these past few months with my Dad becoming poorly and having to have a major operation, my husbands Nana taking ill, our daughters being ill and then to really test me a lorry hit my car carrying my Mum and Dad in which has left me with some injuries like a fractured hand and wrist but praise God we are still here. I mean are we serious? God must have a sense of humor because i feel like a drowned rat.
But what if for a moment we took our eyes off the rain and began to put our wellie boots and rain coats on and actually went out and made the best of the rain, what if actually we began to embrace the rain? sounds crazy really but let me explane, While i have been walking through this season it hit me that God wants to take me through the rain to water me to grow me and to challenge me, he wants to see my tests turn into testamonies (thanks mum for speaking this over me in this season it had more of an impack than you think) God knew these storms will hitmy world but he wants to know what i will do with them, will i hide away moaning about the storm or will i get my boots and coat on and embrace the day?
I feel right now as i write this that God wants us to reconnect with him almost like putting wellies on and grab our bible and use it as shelter like we would a coat, God wants to see us through! 

I pray right now that if you are reading this and are currently walking through rain that God will give you enough strenghth to keep walking, i pray that in trials God name would breath all over our temtamonies that when the rain passes we see clear again that we learn to embrace the rain knowing God will never give us more than we can bare. Amen
God is for you and rest in the fact he is there as soon as we call upon his name!


Journey of a 1000 lies

I grew up with amazing family that loved me and that spoke love to me regularly, I had a very stable upbringing with unstable circumstances at times but that never changed the way I was loved as a little girl. I can always remember my Mum telling me “you can do it” and “you are beautiful” and many many more words my mum spoke over me. While I am talking about my Mum I want to thank her for always loving me and encouraging me and always trying to bring the best of me out, I appreciate you Mum.
Anyway back to what I was saying, when I started approaching my teenage years I began to notice my increase in insecurity and also my fears of failing. As I went into my teenage years I grew so many insecurities, that at times I would want to run so far and hide. I was always a more reserved girl who didn’t really have much to say but I also became distant from truths that had been spoken over me as a child. This journey was carried into my twenties and I still chose to listen to lies………..

I was in a situation the other day that led me to a place of feeling so insecure and hurt the natural thing to do was put my guard up and shut out situations and people but there in the midst of this I felt God speak “why do you listen to lies, I made you in my image”. I began to cry! I love how he speaks into every area of our life.

What if the truth I felt was actually Lies, what if I was actually fearfully and wonderfully made?

God met me in a way I have never felt before he spoke in to my heart when I needed it most he rescued me from listening to the Lies of the enemy. How amazing is God.
I really feel today as I write this to you that at times we listen to lies more than truth, we let what’s negative take over us without even thinking that we were made in his image. I felt robbed when I realised this the other day. I mean I have lived most of my life listening to lies and letting them breed in my everyday life the feelings of insecurity, inaddiquatcy, fear, anxiety and the list could go on and in a moment of crying out to God he spoke, now please understand me I am not saying God spoke and that’s it I will never battle again but what I am saying is God spoke truth in that moment and I will cling on for dear life praying that everyday I choose to hold on to his promise and truth and stop choosing to listen to the lies.

“I pray so much today that if this is your season that you will know right now that God loves you he created you, not just threw you together in the womb but made you in his image. I pray that the lies of the enemy will be drowned out but God’s truths! I pray for any negative words ever spoken over you to break so you can live in the truth of our almighty God. Amen”
God wants us to live in freedom with out hold backs, I know at times I will feel maybe insecure but I know for sure I will run to his truth rather than the lies of the enemy. Keep running to him, because he never fails. I am on this journey too but let’s choose truth! 


Pardon, what did you say?

Pardon what did you say these words as a mummy flow to freely through my day to day life, Girls have you got your school bags? pardon, what did you say? Girls have you put your lego away?, pardon.I feel at times i spend most of my day on repeat having to say everything over and over again and feel like no one even takes time to stand still in the moment and listen to what i am saying but then it made me think how must God feel?
Does God feel like this with us?

How many of us are getting on with life at such a quick and busy pace but expecting to hear God in the busyness of life? We fill our lives with so much stuff at times we miss what he says? How many of us are praying for an answer to prayer but what if the answer has been missed because we are so caught up in what we are currently doing?
I have been so challenged by this and completly stirred as to if God has my full attention am i creating a time or space for God to speak where he has my full attention with no pardon moments. 

I always say to my girls before i speak please stop what your doing and give me your attention make sure your ears are on………. sometimes i feel like God is saying that to us! I think he says at times hey you ,yes you reading this blog give me your undivided attention let me share some of your load give it to me, let me answer your prayers give it to me and be still and listen.
I started creating time in my day to sit and let God speak and I tell you I have never felt closer to him.

I feel so stirred and challenged by this and know for sure i at times need to create more space to allow God to speak.

I pray over this season that we all learn to create space to allow God in a space where we can be still and not shouting pardon, a space that is for you and God to talk a place where you let God in.
I am so exited for you in this next season and can not wait to hear of all God has done for you.


The Upcycle

I love all things home and I love more than anything upcycling and DIY projects. I love seeing things brought to life in creative ways.

We moved house in December last year to a house which is so different from any other house we have lived in before. This house is old and has so many original features, some good and some not so good. The house stands beautiful and from the outside looks lovely but when we walked through the front door we felt chaos that horrible feeling of what have we done. I am such a list maker and love planning decor and colour schemes so of course, my decor notebook came out and I began to plan but planning to a budget is hard work.
Our hall way is a nice large space with original dark wood floor and large stained glass doors. The features in our entrance hall are beautiful but the wallpaper was the issue as it was a metallic type Art Deco paper and it was on the floor and celling? I mean are we crazy? So as I looked at ways to fix this we decided to enhance the beautiful features by painting over the paper with a neutral colour and begin to draw out the beauty of the original. Because to me original is best! 
I always want to create a space where people walk in our home and feel peace and security. I want it to be a safe place where we can share and laugh. But then I was brought to this thought….

We can be like the entrance hall.
Us as people are sometimes hidden, like when we walked up to our house, it looked like everything we wanted. It looked pretty and eye catching. It stood well in a great position, but when we opened the door there was some restoration that needed to take place, some tweaking and fixing to make the inside come back to life. I know in my life my exterior has been covering some of my broken and unloved inside, but it’s only when you open the door you begin to really see what’s inside and how it can be changed or come back to life. I believe that God loves the upcycling of our lives, in my eyes I picture it when we make a discision to accept God, it’s like we give him the key to our inside and he begins to open the door and see what needs restoring or tweaking. I love finding old furniture that needs restoring I love how some pieces need more work than others but in the end they are unrecognisable because they are given this new lease of life and beauty that comes from the creator! 
My life has been a broken mess in the past where inside, I have been broken but on the outside, I have tried to keep it together but often failing. My life at times has felt like I have been so broken that it’s past repair. 

But God spoke to me. I gave him the key & invited him in.
I trusted in my creator to make something beautiful out of my life. I trusted him to make me weather storms and to stand out for him (just like furniture)! My restoring is never ending and like furniture he moves us from place to place and he changes things depending on where we are. I love my God.
I really pray today that if you feel broken past repair, that you would begin to give God the key to start the work in your life. I pray you begin to feel the upcycle in your life! 
This upcycle is ongoing but what a joy it is to see restoration.


From the Heart.

As I sit and watch my family I feel so stirred to let you into my heart in this season of change and transition.
 Over the past year I have been journaling into direction from God I have been committing time to listen to where God wants me in this next season of life ,as the months have rolled on here I am able to share a little of my journey with you. 
I started this blog over a year ago now as I felt God speak to me about starting it but shortly after starting it I being to feel like I had no voice or anything to say, this was the start of my prayer and journal time with the Lord. Over the months of praying I have felt so stirred to share my life with you not in a gossip or nosey way but in a way that can help people in the same or simaler situation. 
While I have gone through the season of direction God began to speak into my heart about Homemaking but biblical homemaking, life and marriage no please hear me I am not all clued up about these areas but I believe in sharing experiences to help each other going forward. I have such a heart for seeing people find peace in there home and have a heart for restoration.

So in light of all of this here I am listening to the call and following what he has spoken to me about this is hard for me as I feel at times I will feel vunrable and exposed but I know that if I trust God he will see me through.
I pray for you if this is your season that God will give you clear direction which is more than your heart desires.
I really look forward to blogging more and allowing God to use me in ways I never imagined.