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Remain.

Over the past few weeks, I have spent time in prayer on cycles that i have in my life and cycles that need breaking in my life. One I have been so challenged on is REMAINING or some would say STICKING IT OUT.

I was having my usual morning prayer and quiet time with The Lord and I felt he gave me this scripture from John 15v 9. Now this scripture is beautiful anyway but at the end of verse 9 it says:

“now REMAIN in my love”
Over the past five years, I have had this ongoing issue with remaining and sticking it out. I love God, there is no inconsistancy with that, but whenever I feel God has said “right, time to step up” I have always stepped down.

My fear of inadiqucy and insecurity have been allowed to consume my walk with God. And the most frustrating thing is that I have let this happen. I have been so bound up in fear over the lack of confidence that I haven’t allowed God to step in and help me step up. Instead I have been stepping down.
Over the past eight or so weeks, I have been so impacted about stepping in, but please hear my heart, I am not saying I need to step in and run all at once. I am saying one step at a time – letting God lead.
While I was soaking in this scripture of John 15, it led me to feel a complete surrender of God. I want to press in, and to always dwell in his love and REMAIN in his presence forever and I want to do this with no agenda. God let me remain.
If you are reading this, I want you to know I pray for you! I write this blog because of words I feel God gives me, I seek God daily about these things and write words he puts in my heart.
I pray today that we will all learn a little more to REMAIN in his love.
God is always there waitinh for us to lean in, remain & soak up his love.

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Freedom in my 30’s

So i have not blogged in a while again as we have been away as a family and also i had my birthday. My birthday this time was an age i had dreaded for so long as I turned 30!!!!!!
While we was away my husband and our girls walked down to the shore of the beach and i was stood higher up on the stones, looking out over the sea. While i stood and looked out i began to think on my up and coming birthday and began to question what i want my 30th to be. I mean, my 20’s consisted of marraige, having children, 3 house moves, ups and downs and many memories and please dont get me wrong they were amazing years which hold some of my most precious memories but the question that kept coming to me was have i lived well?

Let me explain this question, obviously i have lived well to a certain degree as i married and had children and these things have become more than i ever dreamed, so in those moments i lived well but i am asking have i lived well outside of any event or special moment? The answer is NO! As i reflected over this i began to unravel some of my holding back and also giving up on things over the years.

As i began to pray over this question one word kept coming back to me and that was freedom! A word i very rarely use because in so many areas of my 20’s, I have been far from free.
My 20’s consisted of many highs but some also incredible lows, i lived in fear, insecurity, doubt, anxiety, depression, health and weight issues. These are just some of my lows, and as I reflected over this i realised i have a choice with these things because God calls me to live in freedom.

So as i started to journal. I began to realise i want freedom, i want to live with a life full of faith and a heart that is free! I want my 30’s to count, i want to step up instead of down, i want to believe that God has something for me and that i am not defined by my current weight, i want to pray first insted of becoming anxious and depressed. But most of all i want my 30’s to be so full of faith. I want faith to rise up in me like never before and i want freedom!
God calls us to be free. Jesus died to give us freedom!
In Psalm 118 v 5 it says, 
“when hard pressed I cried to the Lord and he brought me to a spacious place”

In other words when i felt bound by things and i called out to God and he brought freedom and space.

I love God! These are two other scriptures that i love and speak about freedom, 2 corinthians 3 v 17 and John 8 v 36.

I want to have a great 30’s. I know hard times hit us all and sometimes we have to manage different situations but i am committed to living some of my best years in my 30’s with faith in my heart and in freedom!
I pray today that if you are suffering with any kind of hold backs that make you feel suffocated that God gives you freedom. I pray for chains to be broken in every area of your world. I pray for new seasons and growth in your lives.
Amen.
  

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Don’t come to close……

The title of this blog is something i struggle with daily, its a saying that creeps into my thoughts more than once a day. How sad to admit that i dont want people to get close.
I was sat with my husband the other night having a chat about our goals and what we feel God is saying to us and we got on to the topic of friendships, a topic i hate with a passion. But we started talking about the fact we only really have a couple of friends in our world, and then came the crunch of the conversation and i explained why i struggle with friendships, and here it was —
“friendships always raise insecurity in me and make me feel inadiquate”.
What am i saying here? As soon as these words left my mouth i began to feel emotional. I felt sad that my longing for picnic in the parks with a large group of friends was shadowed by the fact that i need to deal with my insecurities. For me i always look and think, wow these guys are so with it and so fit and healthy, they wear trendy clothes but i always feel like i have nothing to offer. Oh how the enemy lies!
While we were in mid conversation, i realised that my lack of confidence causes my marraige at times to feel the strain. And then as a result of this me and my husband have different goals not only with friendships, but life in general.

I realised by holding onto this insecurity that i am stopping what God wants for my life, that i am only opening up the door half way, because, being honest, insecurity holds me back in all areas. But i find myself feeling like God will use everyone else, as in my mind everyone is far more gifted than me and everyone carries a greater calling than me?
When i woke this morning i felt God speak a scripture to me, Matthew 6v25-34 and if you struggle in this area I encourage you to read these verses! In this scripture it clearly says,
“I tell you, do not be anxious about your life”
And it also goes on to say about,
“is not life more than food and the body more than clothes?”
This was the eye opener for me as a lot of my insecurity comes from my weight and in actual fact God looks at the heart.
Over the past week i have been praying into the whole area of insecurity and felt God say “Insecurity is a choice” we all have it in us but its whether we let it consume us, like i have, or we choose to keep going and giving it to God daily!
John 8v32 says,
“And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
God created us in the womb, he knitted us together so why do we choose to carry insecurity? God wants us to live in freedom. He wants us to live in his truth and that is when freedom will come. God has so much more for us and we let the lies of the enemy hold us down.
I pray today that in your insecurity that God will wash you afresh with his love and his truth. I pray that his truth will become a daily choice for you and i to live in. Amen.
God wants you and he calls you for more! Keep pushing the door open even when you feel you want to close it shut.

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What do you stand for?

What is happening in the world? Why is there so much hate and anger why are people being hurt due to colour, relationships, religion and many more things?
I was so impacted by the news recently with all the hate in France it made me question what i stand for? 

So here i am letting you in to my thoughts and letting you understand what i want to stand for. I am a massive lover not a hater i love to love its my most favourite thing to do of all i love to shower my girls with love infact i sometimes hug them to hard where i get these words “mummy to tight” then i have to explane its because i love you so much that i want to hold you so tight, i love to love my husband i love to tell him ” I Love You” but i guess not everyone carries the love to love.

As i sat recently and watched the news with all the hate in france, America and Germany i began to question what i stand for i sat an wept at the state of our world the fact we have removed Love and replaced with Hate. Why is this? As i began to reflect over this i began to feel more and more confident on what i want to stand for, I love God with a passion and i belive he will heal so much broken in our world if everyone let him in but more than that i want to stand for Love ,i want to love people back to life i want to love the needy i want to love the grumpy shop keeper basically i want to love! I WANT TO CARRY LOVE! I want to be the person who stands in the gap between hate, i want to be the person that stands up and decalers love. I WANT TO LOVE. Now please understand i am not talking about physical husband and wife love i am talking about passing on the Love God gave us, surley thats our call?

Regardless of colour, sexuality, gender, past, present, religion i choose to stand in the gap and love! I am so pasionate about this it drives me crazy. 
In the bible the word Love appears 551 times in the NIV version (arrording to word count) there are so many amazing scriptures which encourage us to love one of my favourites is 1 Corinthians 13v4-8 another great one is 1 Corinthians 13v13, Ephesians 4v2 and 1 Peter 4v8 this list could go on but in it all God calls us to love! 

Let me encourage you today to step out in Love, hold a door open for someone, smile at someone,  buy the coffee while your out. Let God guide you in this open your hearts and let God lead you.

I pray today that we will all open our hearts to love more to love like God loved us to help create a world of love not hate.

Amen.

  

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Waiting for the Rain to pass.

I love our British weather where you look out the window and the sun is shining you get ready and get excited to embrace the weather and you step out the door to find a storm of wet and windy coldness?! Our weather is so unpridictable and causes so many people to moan, but it’s what we choose to do with the storm that really counts.
I woke with this thought on my heart, a thought of the fact that we all love the summer weather but when we get a rainy day we all moan about the fact we should be having summer weather but do we ever embrace it? Why don’t we ever find Joy in the storm and a desire to embrace it? Why do we choose to look at the bad?
I havent blogged in a while as i myself have been working through some storms in mine and my husbands world we sat only two months ago planning and dreaming about life and it felt like when we woke all we saw was rain. My life has felt like a constant storm these past few months with my Dad becoming poorly and having to have a major operation, my husbands Nana taking ill, our daughters being ill and then to really test me a lorry hit my car carrying my Mum and Dad in which has left me with some injuries like a fractured hand and wrist but praise God we are still here. I mean are we serious? God must have a sense of humor because i feel like a drowned rat.
But what if for a moment we took our eyes off the rain and began to put our wellie boots and rain coats on and actually went out and made the best of the rain, what if actually we began to embrace the rain? sounds crazy really but let me explane, While i have been walking through this season it hit me that God wants to take me through the rain to water me to grow me and to challenge me, he wants to see my tests turn into testamonies (thanks mum for speaking this over me in this season it had more of an impack than you think) God knew these storms will hitmy world but he wants to know what i will do with them, will i hide away moaning about the storm or will i get my boots and coat on and embrace the day?
I feel right now as i write this that God wants us to reconnect with him almost like putting wellies on and grab our bible and use it as shelter like we would a coat, God wants to see us through! 

I pray right now that if you are reading this and are currently walking through rain that God will give you enough strenghth to keep walking, i pray that in trials God name would breath all over our temtamonies that when the rain passes we see clear again that we learn to embrace the rain knowing God will never give us more than we can bare. Amen
God is for you and rest in the fact he is there as soon as we call upon his name!

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The Upcycle

I love all things home and I love more than anything upcycling and DIY projects. I love seeing things brought to life in creative ways.

We moved house in December last year to a house which is so different from any other house we have lived in before. This house is old and has so many original features, some good and some not so good. The house stands beautiful and from the outside looks lovely but when we walked through the front door we felt chaos that horrible feeling of what have we done. I am such a list maker and love planning decor and colour schemes so of course, my decor notebook came out and I began to plan but planning to a budget is hard work.
Our hall way is a nice large space with original dark wood floor and large stained glass doors. The features in our entrance hall are beautiful but the wallpaper was the issue as it was a metallic type Art Deco paper and it was on the floor and celling? I mean are we crazy? So as I looked at ways to fix this we decided to enhance the beautiful features by painting over the paper with a neutral colour and begin to draw out the beauty of the original. Because to me original is best! 
I always want to create a space where people walk in our home and feel peace and security. I want it to be a safe place where we can share and laugh. But then I was brought to this thought….

We can be like the entrance hall.
Us as people are sometimes hidden, like when we walked up to our house, it looked like everything we wanted. It looked pretty and eye catching. It stood well in a great position, but when we opened the door there was some restoration that needed to take place, some tweaking and fixing to make the inside come back to life. I know in my life my exterior has been covering some of my broken and unloved inside, but it’s only when you open the door you begin to really see what’s inside and how it can be changed or come back to life. I believe that God loves the upcycling of our lives, in my eyes I picture it when we make a discision to accept God, it’s like we give him the key to our inside and he begins to open the door and see what needs restoring or tweaking. I love finding old furniture that needs restoring I love how some pieces need more work than others but in the end they are unrecognisable because they are given this new lease of life and beauty that comes from the creator! 
My life has been a broken mess in the past where inside, I have been broken but on the outside, I have tried to keep it together but often failing. My life at times has felt like I have been so broken that it’s past repair. 

But God spoke to me. I gave him the key & invited him in.
I trusted in my creator to make something beautiful out of my life. I trusted him to make me weather storms and to stand out for him (just like furniture)! My restoring is never ending and like furniture he moves us from place to place and he changes things depending on where we are. I love my God.
I really pray today that if you feel broken past repair, that you would begin to give God the key to start the work in your life. I pray you begin to feel the upcycle in your life! 
This upcycle is ongoing but what a joy it is to see restoration.