The title of this blog is something i struggle with daily, its a saying that creeps into my thoughts more than once a day. How sad to admit that i dont want people to get close.
I was sat with my husband the other night having a chat about our goals and what we feel God is saying to us and we got on to the topic of friendships, a topic i hate with a passion. But we started talking about the fact we only really have a couple of friends in our world, and then came the crunch of the conversation and i explained why i struggle with friendships, and here it was —
“friendships always raise insecurity in me and make me feel inadiquate”.
What am i saying here? As soon as these words left my mouth i began to feel emotional. I felt sad that my longing for picnic in the parks with a large group of friends was shadowed by the fact that i need to deal with my insecurities. For me i always look and think, wow these guys are so with it and so fit and healthy, they wear trendy clothes but i always feel like i have nothing to offer. Oh how the enemy lies!
While we were in mid conversation, i realised that my lack of confidence causes my marraige at times to feel the strain. And then as a result of this me and my husband have different goals not only with friendships, but life in general.
I realised by holding onto this insecurity that i am stopping what God wants for my life, that i am only opening up the door half way, because, being honest, insecurity holds me back in all areas. But i find myself feeling like God will use everyone else, as in my mind everyone is far more gifted than me and everyone carries a greater calling than me?
When i woke this morning i felt God speak a scripture to me, Matthew 6v25-34 and if you struggle in this area I encourage you to read these verses! In this scripture it clearly says,
“I tell you, do not be anxious about your life”
And it also goes on to say about,
“is not life more than food and the body more than clothes?”
This was the eye opener for me as a lot of my insecurity comes from my weight and in actual fact God looks at the heart.
Over the past week i have been praying into the whole area of insecurity and felt God say “Insecurity is a choice” we all have it in us but its whether we let it consume us, like i have, or we choose to keep going and giving it to God daily!
John 8v32 says,
“And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
God created us in the womb, he knitted us together so why do we choose to carry insecurity? God wants us to live in freedom. He wants us to live in his truth and that is when freedom will come. God has so much more for us and we let the lies of the enemy hold us down.
I pray today that in your insecurity that God will wash you afresh with his love and his truth. I pray that his truth will become a daily choice for you and i to live in. Amen.
God wants you and he calls you for more! Keep pushing the door open even when you feel you want to close it shut.